Another Month Rolls By

Time goes by so quickly. Before we know it, another month goes by. It is about to be March of 2011! Wow! Where does it all go? One of the most compelling questions I have is... What have we done with our time? For me I am still trying each day to adopt this new way of life. The healthier and more fit me. I do pretty well but sometimes there are those times and we all know what they are about.... that time of the month when the hormones surge and some of us change completely within our minds, making us feel as if we have lost our minds (giggle). We get more sensitive and feel more vulnerable. Crying over stupid commercials and misplacing important articles of clothing or car keys. I consume more chocolate and salty foods than any other time of the month and invariably beat myself up about the dumbest things. These are all behaviors I am working on. I can endure these major changes by telling myself that it is with one day at a time I will achieve the self I have always been but was afraid to show. That's right! I am and have always been me but afraid to let people see me. It is easier to hide in fear and the past. Let’s face it, life is tough. It is not fair many times. It can be downright cruel most times. We pad ourselves with creature comforts and extra pounds in an effort to escape the world outside. We introvert in order to retreat from a life of past failed marriages, lost loved ones, distant or completely obscure family relationships. We most of all seal away our own feelings about ourselves. Masking hurt and suffering with humor and smiles. We keep people at a distance, even when we really want to have them in our lives. There are a few who penetrate our rhino like skin and remain with us for long periods of time. They can see that we are tough to get through to, but have a surprisingly soft center to us. After a time we let them into our little circle. They remain cherished and true. Our common interests keep us together, we bond. Sometimes we drift when our lives change and invariably they do. We marry, bear children and move away. Other times we just fall out of favor with one another, sometimes we never know what we did, and it isn’t about us. Sometimes people just go their separate ways. We are Unable to communicate for fear of angering or fear of some sort of reprisal. The luckiest of us will be able to mend ourselves, make our life to be one free of fear and cynicism. Those two things can destroy us more completely than almost anything else. With a positive attitude and a renewed sense of self I can continue to get better by the day. Another Month rolls by …  X0's

                                                                        ~ Annie~

Good Morning!! it's Valentine's Eve~!!

Ahhh... you know last year I couldn't have cared less about Valentine's Day! my life was in a complete and total state of upheaval and I didn't know what I was going to do from one moment to the next! This year...WOW!!! a complete 360!! ( I know, I know...The !!! is a bit over the top!!!! LOL, not if you knew me though ;) ) This year I am full of Love and Optimism for myself and my fellow man. Well some of my fellow man, hey I am NOT perfect!! lol.

This year I am focusing  more on what IS important and what IS NOT important! Believe me as someone who used to over analyze ( still does sometimes) everything, this has given me more free time and less sleepless nights. In my experience it is hard for someone who is not semi neurotic to understand those of us who are. The most important lesson that I have learned this year and thus far in my life, is that We have to love ourselves first! This is uber~uber important and basically the foundation to loving those in our lives. Our friends, family's and special someones and even our children. How can we pass love on if we haven't learned to love ourselves?? When we treat ourselves with love and compassion and kindness, then we can really and truly give that to another human being. The genuine exchange between two people who truly love and respect one another is remarkable. It is inspiring and really, really regenerating. I learned to be happy with myself ( remember there are those days where I still stumble, we all do) and since I do love myself I am not longer angry at every living thing! I can be happy for others, even when my life may not be all that.

So, in long...cuz to say in short, well you get the idea lol, If you have a special someone or you are going to be spending V~Day alone... make it special! Pamper yourself or your loved one! Look at things differently. Don't think "Grrrr... why me, and why not me!" . think..." hmmm  I can take myself on a date" Hey don't knock it till you have tried a self date ;) That means, Take yourself out to your fav restaurant or get take out. Rent a movie or go to the movies and buy yourself Flowers!!! there is nothing wrong with supermarket or walmart roses! they smell and look as good as any others and are often less expensive :) there you have  your self date and it will make u feel good! Add some champagne or sparkling cider and a hot bubble bath and wow! When yer single pamper yourself when you can and that doesn't have to mean expensive ;) Ok peoples ... X0's to all~
                                                                                                             Annie~

Still getting the hang of this...

Hello all...

I am still getting the hang of things on this site and new computer. Loving my new Dell lappy... soooo many gadgets so much fun! There are so many things that are new this year for me. It is a very exciting time for me. I am actually enjoying who I am and being myself. This is something that has never happened before! I am amazed and it is due in very large part to the man I am with, my best friend and my lover, he is so many things to me. He has shared his life with me unselfishly and let me be myself. He knows all my crazy quirts and he still wants to be with me lol. I also have some amazing friends... they are truly a blessing to me and though I may not know why Some of them I do not see or hear from often, they are there like stars. They shine even though it is the most clouded over, darkest of nights. Like the sun, it shines even when we can't see it. More and more I relate things to nature...which we are all made from, part of and will be until the end. Even at our end our remains will be returned to the earth in some form or other.
         It is this new way of looking at things that brings me such calm and peace. Don't misunderstand me, I can still be a crazy bitch sometimes lol I am human and I am a woman who is on the edge of Peri- menopause, so its any ones game some days lol ( ask Bob ) I am finally, hesitantly accepting who I am. Now, I can become well. I can become better and more than I thought or some other people like my parents told me I could be. I can be my true self. It might sound deeply narcissistic ... but I know the real me is powerful and The real me can impact people in a positive way and make a great change if I stay this course. I have done it before and I know it is what I am meant to do. It may not be done on a tremendous scale, but if a few people are touched by things I say or write or do, then it is well worth it. If I can make someone smile, laugh or cry by what I have felt then that is what this life is about. We are all human, our Gods and traditions our customs and beliefs, they are all different and wonderful in their own right.
        So, while I figure out what to Do with myself and finish the projects I started some time ago, I will blog more frequently and Be researching things more in depthly. I wish you all well while we come into Valentine's day... love one another and even if you do not have a someone special in your life, Love yourself and make a change for the good in your life. Look at things in a positive light, maybe now you can do something you always wanted to, take up a sport, a hobby or a volunteer position that you did not have time for previously. Always remember to be positive, positive in gets positive out :)
                                                                     X0's to All....  
                                                                             Namaste,    ~Annie~

A New Year...

Well It has been a while since I posted anything. As usual, things have been in full swing. Some good and some not so good. The one thing I want to say is that This is going to be my 40th year on this planet. I know to most people, especially my adoring boyfriend who is older... 40 is not a big deal. BUT, to me its a WOW factor. I have waxed poetic and waned and whined. All in all it has been a fantastic life. There are things I have wanted and things I have gotten. Yet as I ponder what this year is going to and has meant to me, I think I am very lucky to have survived, mind mostly in tact. I say that in jest because anyone who "knows" me... knows ME lol To date I am much happier and much healthier than I have ever been. That is in mind and spirit and body. Though the body will be under construction for possibly the next 40 years as well. I can finally stop chasing my own tale. Yes I did not speel it correctly, but it is what I meant. I have always been in per suit of...? Now I can finally say, Just for today I am happy, healthy and my needs are attended to. I am a much better girlfriend, sister, daughter, friend and furry dogie mommy than I ever thought I could be. I am happy with who I am and how I turned out. I also realized that our lives are going in a direction that I feel is directly related to our mental states or capacity's. In light of this I can now understand why things are the way they are lol and have been for me. Sigh... I believe we are given what we can handle, some of us are able to tackle tremendous obstacles in life on a regular. Most of us are middle of the road as far as personal triumphs and tragedies. Still some of us are on the low end of the food chain as far as any changes in our life other than the date. I always Thought I should be more and do more and was never enough. Turns out that some very significant people in my life were telling me that. So as a result and in coming up in life, you believe that. Now, I am surrounded by positive people telling me I am doing just great and ya know what? I am!!! I have had the time that I have felt is necessary to heal myself.
To start thinking good thoughts and doing good deeds. So this year I can feel will be my best yet! and I hope it will be yours as well! no matter what age you will be this year, it is not to late to make it fantastic! XO's to All....

~Annie~

Something to get me started

I joined Weight Watchers online yesterday and all I can say so far is...WOW! I love the site! Its so easy to find recipes and knowledge of foods and their point values. They make it fun to do instead of a pain in the ass, like it used to be. Or, perhaps it is that I am getting older so I am more settled. I am home much more now and so since I cook at home, it is easy to measure and weigh things. I can plan and execute my  meals seamlessly. I know I can lose weight, last year I lost over 40 lbs. I put it back on this year though when my world started falling apart. I am an emotional eater. I also think that when I am not thinking about food, I do well. I have gone all day without more than coffee. When I am crafting or doing something that I am totally engrossed in, I don't think about it. That is not good though, not eating is as bad if not worse than eating to much. So... the happy medium that has previously eluded me, might just be within my grasp now. The hardest part of course is going from being pretty sedentary to doing regular activity. I LOVE Zumba! I have it here at the house and yes, even I can do it lol albeit not for more than 12 mins right now lol... but I am working on that. Doing it once a week and then not again for 3 weeks, well sadly that is not considered exercising.... CRAP!! LOL  Sigh...back to the drawing board, as usual. I am always hopeful though, and that is what separates things now, from things then. Life is so full of adversity these days more than ever. Yet, I find that there is still hope to have my life the way I wish it to be. The largest part of that is to be at a healthier weight. I am realistic in that I am not gonna be a size 10 again....sigh ... but I can have a much closer number than I do now. I have the support and the tools to do it. Those are huge obstacles for many people. I am also on a journey to meditate and yoga more. They are excellent starts to my day and definately aide in my journey to become the best I can be. The 40nfabulous me :) Oh yea... the biggest reason at the moment is that my next birthday I will be turning 40~!!!!! Not that I am freaking out or anything LOL But Yea the big 4-0.... I want to be in the best shape I can. My entire 30ish decade has passed me by with me saying... " I want to be this weight by the time im 30...33...35...37....39....and now here it is. In May I will be 40...so I think this should be enough time to make a significant dent in the massive number of lbs I need to lose. If I can do it... so can you if you are struggling. Give WeightWatchers online a try. You can opt to do the old fashioned method of meetings and weigh ins or...for someone like me who is more comfortable at home...not in front of a lot of people, do the online thing. Weight yerself and just keep track of points ..they make it so simple! Ok guys and dolls, have a wonderful day and as always X0's
                                                                                                          Annie

Today is the Day

I woke up this morning and am deciding that today is the day. I think I have finally had enough! I have reached the point where I realize it is only up to me. I am the one who needs to do the work and I can't expect others to do it for me or to be extra considerate or even give a crap about what I am doing. I don't know why I have always expected people to act human lol have manners and Be somewhat kind of nature. These are lofty expectations rarely met. Sad but true. So.... I need to have less or no expectations of people or of situations. This makes things much easier and just well bare able overall. The next thing I need to do is Get my ass moving! lol I have now several tools at my disposal. However, I am basically lazy... I am going to return to a few decades ago...when remotes were not around. When I read more books. When I parked further away and walked to the door of a store...instead of parking in the lobby lol. I need to De-Technify ( look it up I am sure this IS a werd LOL ) myself in order to get back to the center, the core and reach into the goey center and turn that into a somewhat harder more carefree and healthy center :)  I have done  some exercise and some yoga and some treading....but for 10 to 15 mins each time because I am so out of shape....is NOT getting it done. The length in between each event also has to become more frequent. I start things and give up rather quickly thinking that ehhhh Im fine...the reality is I am not fine. The embarrassing list of things I cant do for someone my age has now become more than I can bare. I am not that old and yet I find myself saying well When I was younger I used to have a Bangin... LOL I wont finish this but you get the idea. It is a bit narcissistic but there were quit a few things that USED to be bangin on me lol Well this year I am going to be 40! and instead of crawling into a hole, I would like to make this next decade the best I can. Before everything lowers and Changes lol I want to be 40 and fabulous so I will have to start now :) cuz its gonna be a looooonnnng road ahead :) wish me luck!!
                                                     X0's
                                                               ~Annie~

Good Morning Tuesday :)

It is Brrrr cold here in Northern Va. I love the colder weather, it does not love me though lol. My sweety does not tolerate the cold well either. However, to me cold signals the start of the holidays. I LOVE the holidays. They seem to make most people a bit more jolly and a little less ummmmm...mean yes mean is the word I will use. Yesterday I took down my Halloween decorations and am getting ready to put up some fall/ thanksgiving ones. Then it will be christmas!!! Which is my favorite I think. The year is coming to a rapid close...this time last year I was just getting out of the hospital...coming home to an empty house and being very sick. This year is a far cry from that and I am not even living in the same state! Not that that is better lol its worse really. I would rather be back in Delaware. Sigh...soon hopefully.
    I am starting my day with some tea...chocolate pureh.....LOVE this one from Numi ( .com). Then I am going to get my shower and do some yoga. Later on we will be getting ready to take our trip to New york to see my family this weekend. That will be interesting and hopefully fun and uneventful. This will be our last holiday all together in my parents house. So it will be nostalgic for me as well. Ok...gonna get this day started. I hope all of you have a wonderful, productive and peaceful day :) X0's
                                                                                                                        ~Annie~